Making a Depressing Character Likeable

In my current WIP the main character wants to die. That is his objective from the start. He's depressed and suicidal. The only reason he breaks out of his anti-social shell to be around the new girl he meets in therapy is because he thinks that doing so will somehow result in his death.

If you want to know why exactly he thinks that, you'll just have to wait and read the book when it's done. *evil grin*

But getting back on point, this novel has an obviously dark theme. So I knew when I started writing that, unless I did something overt to make this character likeable, despite having a hugely depressing viewpoint, and thus, a huge potential to turn off readers from the start, no one would get past the first chapter.

And if that's the case, why should I even bother writing the book?

My solution was to make the main character funny. Not funny to himself, but funny in a way that other people see. Those other people, namely, are the readers (sometimes the other characters, but mostly the readers). We are in his head when we read, so witty dialogue and a humorous narrative viewpoint make a great combination, tossed into the mix of dark and serious.

The book is about death. Specifically, suicide. And reading about suicide isn't likely to appeal to a large audience. It isn't choice entertainment. It's depressing, and wholly depressed characters don't often make for good protagonists.

They lack the hope and positive motivation we crave in a lead character.

But if the viewpoint character has an overarching endearing quality (in this case, a dry humor), something that permeates his personality, then, hopefully, it's enough to make you like him despite his hopeless attitude. It's enough to make you care what happens to him and keep reading.

My first draft is about half done now, and as I continue writing, the number one thing I keep reminding myself is to not go too long in a scene or chapter without having at least a sprinkle of wit. Too much and it comes across offensively shallow. Too little and it has no effect.

Why is this so hard? Because you don't want the humor to overshadow your serious tone, but you don't want the serious tone to bring your readers down and keep them down. Then they decide they're better off not reading any further.

We're not talking fluff-humor, the style you'd find in a romantic comedy, or an Adam Sandler/ Ben Stiller/ Zack Galifianakis movie. It's not that kind of story. But I have yet to meet a person who doesn't like to laugh, even when reading a book (or watching a film) that is, for the most part, darkly themed.

Regular doses of humor in a serious, dark, sad story is why we have an entire niche called dramedy. It isn't something new. It isn't something easily portrayed. But when it's done right, it IS effective.

Do you agree? Disagree? Can you offer any examples of dramedy in literature?

~Lydia

Good Flashback vs Bad Flashback

Since last Thursday I've been reading through Don Maass' newest craft book, The Breakout Novelist. If you've ever read one of Don's books before, then you know you can't just read them. You have to digest them. It's a slow read because you have to let things sink in before you move on to the next point. The pages I've read so far are marked up, underlined, notes in the margins... it looks like an old school text book.

And it's all good stuff that I'll refer back to again and again. But every so often a single point will take me by surprise with how immediately clear it is, and how quickly my brain soaks it up and applies it to what I already know.

Last night, I read this:

Journeys into the past to uncover a long-hidden secret are another contemporary staple, but they have a challenge: making long-ago events feel urgent in the present. The key lies in linking a present problem to the past.

The Breakout Novelist by Donald Maass, p. 59

By "contemporary" he doesn't mean contemporary fiction, but contemporary writers. Meaning, the technique mentioned here is something seen often in modern-day fiction, regardless of genre or non-genre. (Taken out of context from the rest of the chapter, it might not have been clear.)

Upon reading this, two things popped into my brain:

1. A montage of every annoying use of flashback I've ever read in novels.

2. The TV series Cold Case.

The first thing was a list of utterly bad examples, the second was an entirely good example, if not perfect.

I think the reason that flashbacks are such a hot/controversial topic in writerly circles is because the bad examples stick with you more than the good ones, and we get angry when we think back on the not-so pleasant reading experience. But if a flashback is done well, the reader moves along the story smoothly, accepting the flashback as a necessary element.

Necessary. As in, if it wasn't there then something would feel wrong. Remember that everything in a plot has to be vital, no room for extra moving parts or the whole thing might destroy itself once it builds speed.

I've seen this very thing happen with some of my own stories. It ain't pretty.

Bad flashbacks come in many forms. Dreams. Random memories (that don't feel justified in the scene they occur in). And the worst offenders, a separate, detailed scene or chapter that is nothing but flashback.

There are ways you can show the past during the front story, without going into a flashback. Think of yourself, your day to day life. Do you never talk, or think, about the past? Not likely, especially in certain situations.

But even so, all of those techniques can be used in good flashbacks, if you remember the key Donald Maass highlighted in the above quote. Link a present problem with the past. Make it feel urgent.

This is a tricky thing to explain to the flashback abuser, though. When writing a first draft it is often necessary to write things that will never make it to the final draft. They are necessary for you, the author, to gain an understanding of your own creation. But they are not always necessary for the story.

The best way I can show what I mean by necessary and relevant, and what I'm almost certain Don Maass meant by link and urgent, is with the premise of the TV series Cold Case.

What the above terms do NOT mean is character development, world-building, and irrelevant backstory or character histories.

What those terms DO mean is this:


Every episode of Cold Case has an inciting incident in present day that requires digging into a cold case file to determine the truth, solve the mystery. The present day mystery is so interwoven with the past mystery that the investigators wouldn't have all the necessary clues if they only looked at one case or the other. The past and the present stories need each other. Without those flashbacks, the plot would fail because the plot wouldn't exist.

So the next time you're considering using a flashback in your story, don't ask yourself whether or not you like flashbacks, or what side of the debate has a louder argument. Simply put, there is no argument. There is only good use of the technique and bad use of it.

The questions you should be asking are: does the flashblack move the story forward? And, how vital is the flashback to understanding my plot? Not to understanding my characters or my world. To understanding my plot. Because unless you want to (potentially) annoy your readers, plot and forward movement are the only things that matter in flashbacks.

Obviously, many will disagree with this sentiment because I see "world-building flashbacks", also known as infodumps, and "character development flashbacks" most often in novels. As if that is the only way you can garner sympathy for an unlikeable character, or clarify character motivations, is through flashback.

Why can't you do so through your character's present day?

You're a writer. Get creative. Put your characters in situations in the here-and-now that show who she is, where she is, what she wants, why she wants it, and how she plans to get it. Save the flashbacks for plot-related details that you can't show otherwise.

In order to do this effectively, you have to have a deep understanding of your own plot and premise, which is another area where I think flashback abusers fall short. They're too close to their story to see it for what it really is. They will argue up and down that their flashbacks are necessary, and they will truly believe it with every fiber of their being.

But getting the reader to believe it? That's a completely different slice of pie.

Happy writing,
~Lydia

The Secret Plot

If the MC is keeping a big secret of some kind, there are certain things I expect to see, as a reader (or viewer, in the case of movies). The secret in question has to be BIG, meaning it's a vital part of the main plot. Better yet would be that it IS the plot. For example, the MC pretends to be someone she isn't, for whatever reason that serves her purpose in the story conflict.

Secrets are highly effective way to create tension and conflict, and personally they're one of my most favorite story elements.

If you're writing a story like this, here are some things to keep in mind regarding structure. The main turning points will show how the secret evolves during the course of the story.

Please note: the following is a general guideline that can be applied to any genre. Seriously. Anything. Sci-fi, fantasy, contemporary, romance, historical, thriller... It's the details of your story that will make it unique. Don't fear the standardization of a specific structure. It keeps the plot woven tightly together and focused, and delivers your readers' expectations.

Opening -- MC's life before the secret

Catalyst -- MC presented with a secret she can keep that might help her

Debate -- MC weighs the options and decides keeping the secret is a good idea

Act Two, first half -- MC's immediate benefits from keeping the secret

Midpoint -- MC realizes, despite the benefits, there is damage being caused by keeping the secret, either externally, internally (guilt), or both; realizes she made a mistake in keeping the secret, but feels she's "in too deep" now to change it; MC may also realize that she can't keep this going forever...

Act Two, second half -- MC's secret inadvertently discovered by a supporting character (either on her side or on the antagonist's side), but not the main person the MC is keeping the secret from; damage caused becomes more prevalent, and compounded by the other character knowing things she shouldn't; the MC may try several times to reveal the secret on her own, but can't get herself to do it, or things keep preventing her from doing it

All Is Lost -- MC's secret somehow revealed to the main person, or group, she was keeping the secret from, in the worst possible way; MC now feels completely out of control of her own fate

I want to stop here for a moment because the All Is Lost moment is so vital in this type of story, and I've seen it done poorly too many times.

This is the most important part of the post:

If your MC is keeping a big, bad secret from someone, the absolute worst thing that can happen, in her eyes, is to have that person discover her secret. And the longer she's been keeping the secret, the more painful it is upon the other person discovering it, for both of them. So to have a strongly effective All Is Lost moment in the Secret Plot, this is when the secret must be revealed to the exact person (or group) the MC does NOT want to know about it.

By doing so, your MC will be understandably thrust into the depression of the Dark Night of the Soul that results in making a firm decision to fix everything. That won't happen believably if you don't have your Big Reveal at the right moment, and then your entire ending falls flat.

Please trust me, as a reader. These are my favorite types of stories to read, but if the Big Reveal isn't in the right place, I may just throw your book against the wall. It's that frustrating.

Moving on...

Dark Night of the Soul -- MC realizes just how badly she f*cked up, but with the burden of the secret no longer weighing on her she can now make a plan to fix it all

Act Three/Finale -- MC fixes the very problem she herself created in the beginning

Ta da! Easy peasy lemony squeezy.

Can you think of any stories that follow the structure of the Secret Plot? There are SO many. I'd like to see which ones stood out to you!

Happy writing,
~Lydia

One Reason Why I'll Never Quit My (Non-Writing) Job

I work in retail, with the public.

Specifically, I work in apparel, and often times that involves dealing with teen girls -- plus their parents/ significant others/ siblings/ insert person here who would rather not be asked, "Okay, how does this one look on me?"

The answer is usually said in irritable exhaustion. Sometimes it is said in the humorous kind of irritable exhaustion, especially if it's an impatient teen guy.

Just the other day, I heard this answer to the question above:

"You look like a NEON POPSICLE."

Upon hearing this I looked at the girl in question, and she did, indeed, look like a bright orange and pink neon Popsicle. Then I had to immediately leave the vicinity for two reasons.

1. I could not contain my laughter.

2. I needed to find a slip of paper ASAP so I could jot down the retort and use it in my current WIP.

Stealing words from unsuspecting victims? Oh yes, you bet I do. And the best part is, I'm getting paid while I do it.

Happy eavesdropping,
~Lydia

Being True to Yourself

In order to be true to yourself, you first have to know who you are. That sounds ridiculously simple, I know. But it isn't simple at all. I thought I knew who I was, where I was, and what direction I was headed.

I was proven wrong, though, by doing what I've always done. By continually learning and adapting, by having tough heart-to-heart chats with myself whenever something felt... just off somehow, I realized that the me of a few years ago is not the same me of today.

Well, it is and it isn't. Let me explain.

I'm still primarily a YA writer. I'm still primarily a YA reader. But the problem is, YA is not a genre in the same way that, for example, fantasy and sci-fi and mystery are genres. Because you can have all of those things (and more) under the YA umbrella.

I noticed a pattern developing in my work over a period of years. Even before I started writing YA, one of my first novels was an adult contemporary "issue book." (Although I don't think there really is such a thing as an adult issue book, but there should be.) At that time I was still very heavy into writing fantasy and sci-fi.

But when I started writing YA, something changed. And the change was so gradual that I didn't notice it for what it truly was, until now.

YA is my passion. It jives with everything about me and my career. When I finally made the persona switch from adult fic writer to YA writer, it felt... refreshing. Like I was coming home after a hundred years of wandering.

But I still had this voice in the back of my head. "You're a spec fic writer!" it screamed. So I kept hope for my spec fic stories alive, even though the stories that seemed to be better for me, the ones that just felt right for me, were always contemporary.

Straight-up contemporary YA. With dry humor. And they usually center around a love story while also facing a modern-day-teen issue head-on. Not surprisingly, this is also the type of book I enjoy reading the most.

When I realized this, it was time to reassess my everything.

I still love writing fantasy and sci-fi, but is it my passion? Firmly, I can say NO. It is not my passion. Many times I caught myself saying to myself, "You should work on this fantasy novel over this contemp novel because it has a better chance of selling," even though my muse was quite clearly in favor of the contemp novel. That made me feel dirty and wrong. That isn't the right reason to work on one project over the other.

This doesn't mean I will never write sf/f again (I still nibble at those stories regularly), but it does mean that sf/f isn't at the top of my writing priorities list. Contemporary is at the top. I have two YA contemp novels in progress right now. My goal is to have both of those complete by the end of this year, because I have two more already begging to be written that I first thought up a year ago. And I'm sure by this time next year, more new contemp YA novel ideas will be vying for my attention.

As I wrote more and read more contemporary works, I understood that contemporary novels involve just as much effort as sf/f novels. Writing contemporary doesn't mean you've taken a step down, or digressed, in your skills. They still require world-building, for example. And I've found, as a reader, that they often have stronger characterization because there isn't a lot of "speculative candy" to distract you from the people telling the story.

This is something that, when I start talking about it, it excites me. I understand now what it means to have high concept contemporary. I understand that contemporary love stories can't just be about the romance. They have to have something bigger, better, more unique, driving the plot. I understand that even within the narrowed target market of "contemporary YA", there is still a heck of a lot of variety.

You have issue books. And mystery/thrillers. And romantic comedy. And spy novels. And coming-of-age. And the characters can still be in a situation where they must save the world. They just don't have to save it from aliens.

So when I got around to applying this newfound revelation to my blog... I realized some things here would have to change as well. But also stay the same.

This always has been, and always will be, a blog for writers to learn and share their experiences. One of the reasons I never switched my blog format to something more crisp and "professional" looking, is because I want people to feel at ease here. I want you to feel you can express yourself, share your joys and your pains, without fear of being looked down on by some hotsy-totsy big-shot author/blog-owner. This isn't a prestigious university, it's more like a study group that meets at someone's house.

However, going forward, some of the features may be a bit more focused on contemporary YA (and romance, etc) than they have been in the past. That doesn't mean you have to be a contemp YA writer (or a romance writer, etc) to continue following this blog. I believe most of the craft advice and inspirational posts I offer here can be applied to almost any writer's journey.

But I can't spread myself thin talking in generalizations anymore, and trying to please anyone and everyone who stops by. It's time to narrow my focus onto what makes me, me.

I'm going to be true to myself. And I hope you'll stay with me, despite these little adjustments, so I can keep learning who you are, too.

Have a wonderful weekend,
~Lydia

Writing Toward Your Midpoint

I've recently finished writing the first act of my newest WIP, and forced myself to take a step back so I wouldn't barrel through the second act without a clear sense of direction. I have a rough outline of the entire novel (most of it in my head and some of it in hand-written notes), but when it comes to actually writing the story, I need the turning points to be solid before I feel confident enough to move on.

The turning points are what I write toward.

At the very beginning of a story, I'm writing toward the catalyst. Then I write toward the break into act two. After that (which is the position I'm currently in) I write toward the midpoint. But the midpoint is not just any turning point. It can arguably be called THE turning point. Some writers refer to it as the midpoint shift. It's that crucial. It shifts the movement of the entire story.

And what happens in between your act two break and your midpoint is just as crucial, if you want your midpoint to be effective. This is the first half of your second act. Blake Snyder calls it the Fun & Games section. But since that title can be misleading (not every story is about having fun), he also refers to it as the promise of your premise.

In order for your story to feel like it irrevocably shifts after this section is complete, your main premise must be strongly emphasized here. The midpoint is either a false peak or a false collapse. No matter which your story utilizes, both are closely connected to your main premise. If the main premise isn't clearly moving forward, already in action, then the midpoint will fall flat. It might even be missed entirely by your audience.

Roz Morris explained on her blog why it's important for your audience to feel the shift:

What’s the midpoint anyway and why do we bother to identify it? It’s a moment where the story significantly shifts gear. Readers (and moviegoers) seem to have an internal clock, and generally like it if this shift comes roughly half-way through the story.

When I'm reading a novel, if I can't identify the midpoint shift, then it really bothers me. The middle is where I start to lose patience with a story-- the writing style gets repetitive, the humor isn't fresh anymore, the action starts to feel like it's just the same thing over and over and over-- so something significant needs to change in the plot or I'm likely to give up on it.

In Lauren Oliver's DELIRIUM, the midpoint shift is blatantly significant. The premise of this novel is that love is a disease that must be cured. In the first half of the novel, the MC is working toward getting her "cure." But in the first half of act two, she begins experiencing the wonderfulness of love, and by the midpoint shift she's convinced that there is nothing wrong with love at all. Her goal shifts from wanting a cure to doing everything she can to avoid it. It's more complex than this in the actual story, but you get the idea. And you really can feel its significance while reading.

At this shift, the conflict intensifies in a new and huge way. The protagonist/s must adjust their viewpoint and their plan to continue moving forward and resolve the conflict.

As I mentioned earlier, whatever shifts at the midpoint is highly connected to your main premise. So before you write toward your midpoint, you must:

• have a solid premise
• have a clear plot goal moving forward by the end of act one
• have an idea of how you want things to worsen after the shift

Going back to the example of DELIRIUM, I don't think the MC could have done much worse than outright rebel against her government by choosing to love. It is easy, then, to imagine how the second half of act two will be much worse for the MC than the first half was. In the first half, she was merely confused and undecided. Now she is proactively working against everything she's been taught. This resistance, this conflict, is not going to go unnoticed or unpunished. So the midpoint shift has effectively set up the stronger intensity of the second half of the novel, and we keep reading on through to the end.

That's how you keep a reader reading. By continually making it worse. More conflict, more tension, more worry for the MC. But all of this worsening still has to be connected to the main premise and somehow move the plot forward. It can't just be random acts of worseness.

The same goes for the beginning half of the story as well. Everything must have a purpose, and the reader should feel like the story is moving forward. Moving toward something. The protagonist must have a goal in line with the premise.

So ask yourself...

What is the MC's main story goal?
What is her plan to reach that goal, made clear at the Act Two break?
How can I change this goal (or viewpoint) without changing the premise?

Once you have that figured out, you can effectively write toward your midpoint shift. It's simply a matter of connecting the dots, filling in the blanks, setting it all up to (seemingly) fail.

Happy writing,
~Lydia

Friday Query Critique

This is my final query critique. Thanks to everyone who has participated over the past few months!
_____


QUERY


Dear Ms. Sharp,

My book is in the category of women's fiction and titled CHOCOLATE FOR BREAKFAST. It takes place in the late 1970's and centers around a young woman who spends a year of college in Switzerland with two friends. Bernadette desperately wants to experience everything, especially the love of a man, and rushes into a sexual situation, equating sex with love.

By the time Bernadette realizes she's pregnant, the father (her weekend fling) has disappeared, and she's faced with a difficult decision. She decides to carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption, and thinks she can conceal the pregnancy. But a series of events, including a new love interest and an unexpected death, challenge her in the coming months. At the conclusion of her year abroad, she gives birth to a boy, and all she sees of him is his hair, the color of carrots, just like hers. She never stops thinking about him. After this event, the story picks up twelve years later, and again sixteen years after that.

This novel is at 60,000 words and is my first effort.

Your consideration is very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.
_____

LYDIA'S COMMENTS

Dear Ms. Sharp,

My book is in the category of women's fiction and titled CHOCOLATE FOR BREAKFAST. It takes place in the late 1970's and centers around a young woman who spends a year of college in Switzerland with two friends.

Start with your lead character.

Bernadette desperately wants to experience everything, especially the love of a man,{period} and While attending college in Switzerland she rushes into a sexual situation relationship, equating sex with love.

By the time Bernadette realizes she's pregnant, the father (her weekend fling) has disappeared, and she's faced with a difficult decision. {Specify her decision. Don't assume the reader will assume it.} She decides to carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption, and thinks she can conceal the pregnancy. {conceal the pregnancy from what, or whom? Clarify the conflict here. I'm guessing it has something to do with the time period, but I'd rather not have to guess. And to what extent does she think she can conceal it, because that third trimester will be a mite difficult to hide.} But a series of events, including a new love interest and an unexpected death, challenge her in the coming months. {Be more specific. Who dies? Why is this a challenge? What is the conflict?} At the conclusion of her year abroad, she gives birth to a boy, and all she sees of him is his hair, the color of carrots, just like hers. She never stops thinking about him. {I don't understand how this makes things "worse" for her. The succession of plot events should be getting worse as they go along here. More tension, more conflict, bigger stakes.} After this event, the story picks up twelve years later, and again sixteen years after that.

This novel CHOCOLATE FOR BREAKFAST is a work of women's fiction complete at 60,000 words, and is my first effort. {Cute title. But how is it relevant to the pitch?}

Your consideration is very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

The main problem I'm seeing here, other than what I stated above, is that I don't see a story progression. The novel is about a young woman with an unplanned pregnancy, but I see nothing unique about her situation. And going by the way the pitch ended, I'm guessing that she inadvertently comes in contact with her son again, and a new conflict is introduced....

So it appears this novel has a lot of things that happen, but those things don't necessarily add up to a plot.

The "unplanned pregnancy while I'm still in school" story has been told a million times. Show us what elements make your story unique. Start with your lead character and her goal. Then introduce the conflict that prevents her from that goal. Then raise the stakes (be specific). End on a tough choice she must make to progress toward resolving the conflict (this ends your query on a high point of tension).

Thank you for offering your query for public critique, and good luck!

_____

Does anyone else have any suggestions for our brave writer-friend?

~Lydia

Quick Tip

Set a timer for ten minutes. Close down your Internet tabs-- all of them. No Twitter, no Facebook, no Pandora, no nothing. NO CHEATING. Open a new document. Do not open any saved documents. Stare at the blank screen until the timer goes off. Do not force yourself to think about anything specifically. Just sit.

Now write about wherever your mind had wandered in those ten minutes of pure freedom.

If it was not directly related to one of your works in progress (for example, all you could think about was your dirty dishes piling up), then find a way to make it related to one of your works in progress.

Like... wouldn't it be great if those dishes could wash themselves?

Voila! "Dirty dishes" meets Arthurian fantasy.



Happy writing,
~Lydia

Friday Query Critique

Dear  ,

On an isolated Island, beneath a lush canopy of resurrection ferns and green palmettos, a grotesque Victorian society festers. Monetary wealth carries little weight. Lineage is currency, and nothing is of greater import than blood.

Orphans Haeden and Veanne have coal-black eyes, sun-bleached hair, and no knowledge of their true family name. The boy yearns to be a man of stature, to gain respect from the gentry who scorn him, in order to better protect his sister from harm or ill fortune. The girl longs for love, and for her brother to find happiness. And maybe for someone else to do the washing, just once.

When their adoptive father, and the Island’s only doctor, mysteriously dies, he leaves them adrift amidst a fatal illness threatening to further divide the decaying hierarchy. Martial law is declared, and containment measures put in place. Vinegar baths are encouraged.

The unexpected return of the doctor’s striking son, vanished from the Island for over a decade, presents a double-edge sword as sharp as the one buckled at his waist. Even as he offers protection, and romances Veanne, he harbors devastating secrets.

With few resources beyond their cunning, and no claim to the only home they have ever known, Haeden and Veanne follow the trail of their bloodline, searching for knowledge forbidden by the man they called father. Escaping pirates, plagues, and murder, they finally unearth not only their own dark history, but the Island’s shadowy origin.

In the end, they will have to choose: hold fast to the values with which they were raised, or embrace a legacy of untold cruelty and limitless power.

THE GATHERING DUSK is a dark fantasy novel complete at 83,600 words, divided between three points of view: the children, their champion, and the evil seeking to consume them all.

This is my first novel. [redacted].

Thank you for your time and consideration.

_____

Lydia's Comments


Dear  ,

On an isolated Island, {Why is island capitalized?} beneath a lush canopy of resurrection ferns and green palmettos, a grotesque Victorian society festers. {Is this actually set in the Victorian era, or...?} Monetary wealth carries little weight. Lineage is currency, and nothing is of greater import than blood.

Orphans Haeden and Veanne have coal-black eyes, sun-bleached hair, and no knowledge of their true family name. The boy yearns to be a man of stature, to gain respect from the gentry who scorn him, in order to better protect his sister from harm or ill fortune. The girl longs for love, and for her brother to find happiness. And maybe for someone else to do the washing, just once.

{combine the below paragraph with what is left of the above paragraph after the cut}

When their adoptive father, and the Island’s only doctor, mysteriously dies, he leaves them adrift amidst a fatal illness threatening to further divide the decaying hierarchy. Martial law is declared, and containment measures put in place. Vinegar baths are encouraged.

The unexpected return of the doctor’s striking biological son, {Need to clarify this isn't the adoptive son spoken of previously} vanished from the Island for over a decade, presents a double-edge sword as sharp as the one buckled at his waist. Even as he offers protection, and romances Veanne, he harbors devastating secrets.

With few resources beyond their cunning, and no claim to the only home they have ever known, Haeden and Veanne follow the trail of their bloodline, searching for knowledge forbidden by the man they called father. Escaping pirates, plagues, and murder, they finally unearth not only their own dark history, but the Island’s shadowy origin.

In the end, they will have to choose: hold fast to the values with which they were raised, or embrace a legacy of untold cruelty and limitless power.

THE GATHERING DUSK is a dark fantasy novel complete at 83,600 words, divided between three points of view: the children, their champion, and the evil seeking to consume them all.

This is my first novel. [redacted].

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Love the mystery element of this story, and the setting. In addition to what I noted above, I'd suggest that you clarify the conflict. I'm not sure if the main issue is that the orphans discover their true heritage and the island's beginnings (and what is the reasoning for that? if they reach this goal, then what? I'm not sure how it will affect anything), or if the main issue is that they need to find a cure for the illness plaguing their society.

Thank you for participating in Friday Query Critique, and good luck with this!

_____

Does anyone else have any suggestions for our brave writer-friend?

~Lydia